


Always on My Mind

by anyjay



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-15
Updated: 2008-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 18:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyjay/pseuds/anyjay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a conversation between Giles and Faith</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always on My Mind

Faith looks up from painting her nails to see that Giles has closed his book and is watching her. This one big happy house of slayers thing is really starting to get on her nerves.

“What?” she demands. She grimaces as she hears how defensive she sounds.

“Nothing, I, er, you have a fine voice, Faith. I was listening to you sing.” Giles answers in the tentative voice he usually uses with her. The voice that says, ‘gotta be careful around the dangerous wack job.’

Faith shrugs, and looks down at her nails, doing her best to ignore her irritation. Going off the rails because of how he talks to her is not going to make him treat her like a normal person. “I didn’t even know I was doing it. I just like this song is all.”

They both listen for a moment to Kenny Roger’s voice emanating from the kitchen, where Xander is repairing the cabinets, with the help of a couple of the handier baby slayers.

“I wouldn’t have picked you for a fan of country music,” Giles tells her.

“Not country music, just this song,” she says, dipping the brush in the polish.

“Xander played this song in the library a great many times after his break-up with Cordelia,” Giles says. “I believe he was trying to tell her something. He would have done better to have spoken to her directly, of course, but possibly he couldn’t get past his own feelings of guilt.” Giles frowns and shakes his head.

“What?” Faith asks.

Giles sighs. “It’s disheartening to realize I’m acting as foolishly as Xander was. I also find it difficult to talk about the past, especially when I have so very much to regret about my actions. This song always makes me think of you, Faith.

Faith leans back in her chair a little. “Uh, Giles—“

“Not romantically,” Giles hastens to assure her. “Just the basic sentiment – you were always on my mind. And another line as well, because I never meant to make you feel ‘second best,’ but I fear I may have.

Giles sets his book down on the coffee table. “I knew you were my responsibility, and I did so little for you. It was always my intention to do more but frankly I was out of my depth. I didn’t know how to convince you to give up your destructive lifestyle without being a bloody hypocrite. I knew I shouldn’t be leaving you to live in that dreadful hotel, but I felt I couldn’t risk having an underage girl as a houseguest. There were sufficient rumors about me circulating among the high school staff already.”

“Huh.” Faith is about a cynical as they come, but she’s still surprised anyone would think Giles was some kind of perv. He must have loved that.

“It was easy,” Giles continues, “with one crisis after another, to tell myself that I would take care of things – would take care of you – later. After Buffy was back to her old self, after we knew what the mayor was up to, after we saved the world. I don’t mean to excuse myself, Faith, because my actions -- or rather my inaction -- was inexcusable, but I’ve always wished you had arrived the summer before or the summer after you did. The previous summer, I would have welcomed the distraction. I had nothing to do except worry about what was happening to Buffy, out in the wide world by herself. The next summer, I had literally nothing to do. Buffy was off with her father, and during her freshman year at university she largely forgot I existed.”

Giles looks towards the kitchen, where the sound of drilling has momentarily drowned out the music. “Xander’s the only one who knows how much I drank that year. He thinks I felt rudderless without Buffy. True, but not the entire story. I drank because being neglected by Buffy was my just deserts for neglecting you. Poetic justice on the Hellmouth.”

Giles shakes his head again. “At any rate, please know I’ve always regretted not being a better watcher to you.”

Giles stops speaking, and looks up at Faith, who is staring at him, wide-eyed. “What’s that French thing, where something happened before?” she asks.

“Deja vu?”

Faith nods. “Yeah, I should have known it wasn’t a dream, ‘cause where would I come up with something like ‘poetic justice on the hellmouth.’ G, this is gonna sound seriously wacked, but... do you play the guitar?”

“I do,” Giles answers with a smile. Faith thinks it might be the first genuine smile he’s directed at her since 1999.

“Huh.” Faith watches Giles’ face closely. “It’s the damnest thing. When I was in the coma, I had this dream over and over where this stuffy British guy talked a lot of crap about how he’d let me down -- just as if I hadn’t screwed up more than anyone ever. But then he’d somehow change into this guy with a wicked hot voice, and he’d sing to me and play the guitar. He sang mostly old-time rock, but he always led off with Willie Nelson. That’s why I like that song.”

“You recall that?” Another smile.

Number two, Faith thinks, and she grins. “Yeah, I do. So, uh, listen, you still have that guitar?”

“Of course.”

Faith blows on her nails to dry them, and then looks up at Giles. “If you wanted to sing for us sometime, that wouldn’t suck.”

“Thank you, Faith, that’s gratifying to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're not familiar with the lyrics, you can find them [here](http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/w/willie_nelson/always_on_my_mind.html)


End file.
